Welcome to the Harbor Unitarian Universalist Congregation

Cathy Kaufman, Board President of HUUC

Remember the old childhood game of telephone? The first child in line whispers a sentence to the second person, who repeats it to the next in line, etc. until it has been translated through the line to the very last child on the end. Inevitably, the sentence has been converted to something vaguely similar to the original sentence. So, “I have a pretty red apple”, has been turned into something like, “I crave a witty bed table”.

We have so many forms of communication at our disposal in the twenty-first century. Only twenty years ago, very few people had access to email or a cell phone and the answering machine was a fairly new concept. Now, just a couple decades later, many of us would be lost without these conveniences to keep in touch with our friends, family and work. With all these new forms of communication at our disposal, you would think that we would be wonderful communicators! NOT!

I would be lost without email. It is my favorite way to correspond. I can zip out an email message to one or to twenty people in less than a minute, which by telephone would take me an hour or more to do. I find that since it is so quick and easy, I am more open in emails than I am on the phone. Emails aren’t as personal because you are not speaking directly to the person. I make myself reread each before sending it to see if it portrays what I had intended. If it comes across a little too harsh, I change the wording.

Like so many people, I lead a very busy life. So I may be doing one thing, while thinking about something else. This can sometimes cause miscommunication in what my husband refers to as my “tone”. I will say something to him and he will respond with anger in his voice so I respond back with anger now in my voice, and after arguing a few minutes, I say, “why are we yelling at each other?” To which he responds, “well you started it”, “I did not, you did, I only said….”Yes, he says, but you said it using an angry tone”. I hadn’t even been aware I used a “tone”. I was thinking about something else totally unrelated that was causing the “angry tone” in my voice. This occurs frequently in our house. Perhaps we should just email each other.

Since becoming the Board President, I have a lot of people who come directly to me with concerns, ideas and hearsay. It is interesting when several people approach me about the same topic but with totally different versions of it. Like the story of the blind men feeling different parts of the elephant, each person comes away from an experience with a different view of the same situation. In a Unitarian Universalist context, there could be hundreds of different viewpoints!

As a democratic institution, everyone should feel free to state their opinions, except when they may cause harm to HUUC or to others. It is here that the line gets fuzzy.
Let’s go back to the story of the elephant. Let’s say one HUUC committee is the blind man feeling the tail of the elephant and another committee is feeling his trunk and there are some members feeling his legs. Whose interpretation of the elephant is correct? They all are, only none of them are seeing the entire picture, only the part that is within their reach. In the same way, when several people approach me with different suggestions to solve one problem, I conclude pretty quickly that I can’t possibly please them all, nor is it my job to do so.

In order for clear communication to work, a democratic system needs followed. I do my best to justify the question of complaint on the spot if I am aware of the details and have an answer; otherwise I direct the person to the correct committee or person who can help them. For example, if a suggestion for a change in policy is made, the correct procedure would be to relate it in writing for the board, either in person to a board member or place it in the President’s in/out box in the office space in the social hall. The board will address the suggestion at the next board meeting and make a decision based on the mission and goals of the church among other considerations. I would also suggest that if you have a question about board or committee work, you ask a member to get you the meeting minutes. This is information that is available to all.

As President, I feel it is my job to help all the blind men see the entire elephant. The board has recently created a way to do just that. On September 18, all members are invited to attend a Mission/Vision writing session, once written, these statements of HUUC will be presented to all committee chairs, staff and board members at a quarterly informational sharing time named CommUnity (Committee + Unity) meetings. It is my hope that these meetings will generate better communication between the HUUC leadership and make our organization stronger.

Sometimes you need to put aside all the newest gadgets and just sit together and communicate person to person!